This is what happens when shit gets unreal

Can’t we just say, “Wow, that’s a lot of snow”?

Snowpocalypse, snowmageddon, epic shitstorm of a snowstorm, call it what you will, it is snowing.  A lot.  Here’s a picture of my front yard as seen from the bay window on the front of our house:



You can almost see my car.

The only thing I don’t like about this storm aside from having to shovel out the driveway and the fact that I still have to work are the names that the media have come up with for it.  Here I’d like to look at the names that they have been using, point out why they are stupid and then see if we can come up with well a better one.


The origins of this one are obviously Armageddon.  Now, most of my friends think “Oh, well that’s like this bad thing that’s in the bible or something?  Stop asking me such weird questions.”  According to Wikipedia (which is never wrong, I might add), Armageddon is:

Mount Armageddon is the site of an epic battle associated with the end time prophecies of the Abrahamic religions.

According to some premillennial Christian interpretations, the Messiah will return to earth and defeat the Antichrist (the “beast”) in the battle of Armageddon. Then Satan will be put into the “bottomless pit” or abyss for 1,000 years, known as the Millennial Age. After being released from the abyss, Satan will gather Gog and Magog (peoples of two specific nations) from the four corners of the earth. They will encamp surrounding the “holy ones” and the “beloved city” (this refers to Jerusalem). Fire will come down from God, out of heaven and devour Gog and Magog after the Millennium, and the Devil who deceived them is thrown into Gehenna (the Lake of Fire and brimstone, or Hell) where the Beast and the False Prophet have been since just before the 1,000 years.

I guess for a lot of people this would kind of suck but this is also referred to as the second coming of Christ which, for a shitload of people in the US (especially around where I live) this would be pretty awesome because they would finally get to go to Heaven and never have to face things like poverty or illegal aliens or scary people with different skin colors or, heaven forbid (for reals), homosexuals.

Comparing a big snowstorm to the second coming of Christ would be bad for a lot of people but with the Christian bias in the media, this is kind of a dumb choice.


Well, hey, guess what?  The Apocalypse is the same damn event just by people who believe slightly differently than the people above (I guess Jesus wore brown instead of tan robes or something).  The Apocalypse is supposed to herald the second coming of the Messiah and he is supposed to reign for 1000 years (which really isn’t that long if you think about it).  So again, for Christians, Snowpocalypse = Yay, Jesus the snowman!

Let he who is without sin, cast the first snowball

So we see that the two main names that are full of doom and gloom that the media has been using are flawed.  For a better term, we need to turn to a group of people that kicked much more ass than pussy Christians: Vikings!  For vikings, the end of the world was Ragnarök.

Ragnarök + Snow = Snognarök

This is the end times as interpreted by the Norse.  And, I think this is personally a more apt description.  Again from Wikipedia:

In Norse mythology, Ragnarök (Old Norse “final destiny of the gods”) is a series of future events, including a great battle foretold to ultimately result in the death of a number of major figures (including the godsOdin, Thor, Týr, Freyr, Heimdallr, and Loki), the occurrence of various natural disasters, and the subsequent submersion of the world in water. Afterward, the world will resurface anew and fertile, the surviving and reborn gods will meet, and the world will be repopulated by two human survivors.

Hey, snow IS water!  OMG!  And then I guess it starts over like the Matrix or something, who knows?  They drank alot.  Snognarok also has the word “Snog” in it, which is a word Brits use to describe “making out” and as we all know, lots of babies are conceived during blizzards.

So go out there and enjoy your snow day thanks to EPIC SNOGNARÖK!



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